road block

i stood on my back porch, smoking my parliament light.
i looked around at the grey sky.
i looked at the brick houses.
i looked at the plant in the icy soil.
just a few weeks ago, the tiny leaves were green.
little white buds adorning the tips.
i looked at the plant again.
now the leaves were dark.
the leaves were burgundy.
the color of cheap wine from the corner store.
and i looked up at the buds that were no longer buds.
but the most delicate little flowers i had ever seen.
the petals a soft, shy shade of lavender.
the centers a pale yellow.
i looked at these flowers so recently blossomed.
i exhaled a flume of light gray smoke.
and i thought to myself,
how can flowers bloom in winter?

cold pt 1

a crystal glaze over my eyes, the whites red and the blacks small. my lashes bare, the reflection; you standing there. and every single muscle in my face contorts itself into the simple and tired smile i give you. your hair's gotten long and your shoes more worn. i'd missed the way your eyebrows raised whenever i'd look at you. and that little birthmark above your right eyebrow. i've got this battle raging inside me when i step off the bus. a war. too much turmoil in my head. because the second you begin to say my name, i feel the tears welling. i know you can see my hesitation. but i know you can see my desire as my hands tremble while you embrace me so strongly. while your arms engulf me. all at once, an infinite amount of strange memories come rushing back to me. as though my life were flashing before my eyes. and as i breathe in the cold april air mixed with your soft musky familiar scent, my life really does flash by. at the speed of light, i feel every single emotion i have ever felt rush through my body; spreading like a cancer. and you hold me. as i infect myself with my thoughts i close my eyes. and you hold me.

shadows pt I

shadows pt II

stories of previous lives

if you could ask me anything,
what would it be?
we're both buried in the sand
by the dark and angry sea.

close your eyes tight,
and wait for the push.
you can't try to tell me
you don't like the rush.

just wait till he has to leave,
until his touch is gone.
with the last of the drugs,
you're left standing in the dark.

good morning you said,
drawing the blinds.
perhaps its our hearts,
or maybe our minds.

i suppose there is no fix.
we can only wait for time to pass.
counting the ticks,
ripping out grass.

i can still smell the mint.
i can feel the hot leather of the car in summer.
but we could never take a hint.
now you're a stranger.

stop waiting.

Rx

You are my salvation.
You are my graceful rescue.
So simple.
And so strange.
You call me when times get tough.
You call me when lyfe's guud.
You're all around me.
You engulf my entire being.
Your words don't faze me.
You threaten like a child.
Empty threats.
I have seen your dark side.
I have seen your secrets.
I have felt your wrath.
I have felt your bliss.
Your Machiavellian traits and bitter taste.
I can crush you up.
I can spit you out.
But I don't want to.
I'd rather reap your rewards.
Or your consequences.
I've heard things about you.
Things I'd rather not repeat.
I've heard the stories.
I thought they were lies.
I thought you were ok.
I was naive.
Because you were a fable.
All you do.
All you did.
To me.
It wasn't true.
You had me convinced.
You can't help me.
You can't satisfy my needs.
You can only fuck me up.
You can spin my head round and round.
You can make me give up.
You can make me give in.
But you can't make me happy.
You made the lights bright.
You made my nights so full of life.
You asked me questions.
You gave me answers.
You tore me apart and put me back together.
I gave in.
To your temptation.
To your salvation.
And now it's gone.
Still at my fingertips.
Still on the tip of my tongue.
Too close to letting the monsters escape.
Too close to let me fall back.
I thank you for your sensations.
I thank you for your realizations.
I thank you for the moments of horror.
And thank you for the moments I'll never remember.
You are forever locked away in a silent box.
You are forever banished from my bruised soul.
Sooner or later, you know I'll come back.
To reap your consequences once again.
To forgive and forget.
So expect me someday.
I'll come be back for more.
Back for more bright lights and beautiful sounds.
Until then.