memories from another life.
every year, the feeling changes, always keeping a hint of sadness among the experiences collected throughout the year.
this year, nothing is different.
the person i was this time last year and the person i am now are interchangeable.
but only right now.
only after a day spent alone.
thinking, feeling, being myself for a little longer than usual.
imagine yourself standing in one place, not moving, for an entire year.
everything around you passing you by.
you stay the same and everything else has been turned upside down.
of course you barely realize how different things have become.
amidst the chaos, you haven't taken the time to capture the madness taking place.
if you wrack your brains enough to go back that far, you can remember the smell of the piping hot spice cider that filled your house when mommy boiled a pot of it.
or you can remember watching finding nemo in your socks on the basement carpet.
and the days you sat in the front seat of daddy's car with the windows open, your eyes wide for you were only tall enough for the back.
those were the days...
the days before the crack and tsssssssss of a beer bottle opening.
before the pungent smell of marijuana smoke filled your lungs and the feelings of reality entered your mind.
not so naive, are you ?
or maybe that's just it.
late night heart-to-hearts and secrets and ulterior motives.
staying home from school and eating tomatoes and watching hitchcock.
is that what being 16 really is ?
are you normal ?
is being 16 going to parties in warehouses and popping pills and spending all your money on cigarettes and beer and crying on park benches and watching your friends throw up ?
who are you to tell me what being 16 is ?
who am i to tell you ?
don't forget what it was like.
don't forget that feeling.
**
i barely know what i'm saying
but i'm spooked by the weather
it's got its claws round my neck
and the wind is eating my eyelids
the reminiscence of warm hands
little lights across the waves
make me feel the raindrops
like yesterday's harsh rays
even though it's gone
it's back and it's pulling me by the feet
greet the acid rain
greet the dead leaves
greet the memories you left behind
once convinced of invisibility
greet me here
meet me here
it's gone now
gone with last of the ice cream cones and picnic tables.
your eyes wide with recognition
the tic tic of the radiator the last noise before your mind recedes into your head
saying goodbye to each blade of grass and glass of water
but i'm spooked by the weather
you've got your claws round my neck
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