today was new

there's something strange about warm weather in january.
it sort of gives you hope.
hope is a peculiar feeling that is hard to shake.
it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's very very very hard to get rid of.
it's a word that is loosely used.

hope |hōp|noun
1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen : he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information : I had high hopes of making the Olympic team.
• a person or thing that may help or save someone : their only hope is surgery.
• grounds for believing that something good may happen : he does see some hope for the future.

***

my father said something about destiny tonight.
he said something about destiny because of a terrible incident that happened recently.
a man i knew died.
r.i.p. 
i asked my father how young people can die.
i asked my father how someone can coldheartedly kill a loved one.
he couldn't answer either question, but he did say it might have been destiny.
is destiny really what explains it?
or is destiny like heaven ; just something created by the selfish mind of humans to reassure ourselves that not all is lost ?
if i don't count the grandparents i never met, i have known four people that have died over the course of my life. 
how many people i'll know who have died by the time i'm 70 is hard to imagine.
so many statistics and numbers and concepts and proof that people die.
so many things just to say that someday, we'll all meet our match.
life is a strange strange strange place;
you never know when the fuck a car is going to hit you.


***


i apologize for the morbid theme of this evening's post, but it was slightly necessary.


p.s. new layout - thoughts ?
p.p.s. happy birthday mum