i've no idea what i am talking about

where

when

how

who

why

i'm up in the clouds

(so out of place)

it's all up here.

except sometimes it's not.

like, right now.

it's grey, it's bleak, it cloudy and awful and weird.

it's cold.

in here.

saturday night was good.

those good moments, split seconds tha

t you try and store so carefully in a place that you can revisit when you need to.

most of the time, they get lost.

things are so vivid sometimes; colors, patterns, s

oun

ds, noises, smells, voices, faces, feelings.

and sometimes they are so vague; those same t

hings just seem like a blur, one big giant blurry mess. 

like a fog.

a fog where you stand, and the longer you stand, the thicker the fog becomes, and the more detached you find yourself becoming.

it's like being lost in your own head.

you know those strange drea

ms w

here you're with someone really familiar, someon

e you trust blindly, someone so close to you is there, and then the next second they've turned into a monster or an alien or something and suddenly they want to kill you.

and then you wake up and you don't understand what happened.

but what's scarier, dreams or reality?

some things need time, like a slow-roasting chicken.

or a bruise.

and some things need more than time, like a broken leg needs a cast.

or a tear needs tape.

it's like when you look out of the window

 of a tall building, and you feel like you're just in a floating room, because you can't see the ground.

but maybe it's just boards of canada doing that to me.

it's like when sydney was tapping my knee and i had no reflexes.

i have no reflexes.

and the ones i do, are just out of control.

like if you tap my knee, my arm will flail about frantically.

frantic |ˈfrantik|adjectivewild or distraught with fear, anxiety, or other emotion
calm |kä(l)m|adjective(of a person, action, or manner) not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other emotions

what?
i don't know.