it's like flowing in your veins.
you're just ... not there.
but in a good way.
you're somewhere else.
somewhere good.
but you're not so sure.
because it's only the beginning.
ball of nerves, ball of energy.
choke
choke
choke
grin.
but you furrow your brows because it's fucking scary.
it's
it's
cool.
don't get carried away, silly.
listen to the music!
(THE DEAD WEATHER; FUCKING AMAZING.)
can't u feel the knife?
(no matter what, i never get tired of grizzly)
take me away in a hot air balloon.
far far away; to a field.
a big open field.
because i'm so sick of everything being so fucking mundane.
like, the sun comes out; okay.
but it rains like, 47 minutes later.
and i'm sick of it.
i'm sick of going on facebook and seeing everyone
's wallposts and pictures and clicking on photos because who doesn't love a good glimpse into other peoples' lives ?
and checking my e-mail and texting
and worrying
and a n a l y z i n g .
not that i'm not having fun.
i am.
that's not a lie.
things are different and almost almost almost looking up.
but not quite yet.
buried deep in thought, i close my eyes and it all resurfaces.
and i change the song and remember the parties and the laughter and the adventures and the music and all the good things.
strum my guitar and click the shutter and move the muscles in my face and be funny and sing a song and take a swig and have a puff and read a page and watch a scene and pick a song and listen to you and roll down the window and go to sleep and have a conversation and walk there and say this and do that and be here and think that and see her and see him and pretend and be you and be them and entertain and be entertained and and and and and and and and
but that's how it is.
and it's not gonna change.
it sucks.
but i'm coming to terms with it.
-ish.
(oh yes, fleet foxes, make me swoon.)
everywhere everywhere there's confusion
and messes
and complicated heart things
but it's so good.
good messes
not messes you fix with brooms.
messes you fix with smiles.
but not in a cheesy way.
i really really hope you know what i mean.
anyhow
i just have this
this feeling.
that you may or may not understand.
but even if you don't
you will someday.
i hope you do
because it makes your skin crawl and your thoughts jumbled
but it makes you smile
and laugh.
the july sun is here
and i think i'll put my sunnies on and head out for a swim.
finally a photo...
thank you astrid, for your camera.
it's a dog's life
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