!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAI

best mood in a long time.

i got my cam on friday - nikon d300s.
i've been waiting two fucking years for it.

in 48 hours i will be in new york city.

once i get back, there is a whole slew of things awaiting me.


and i also drank far too much coffee.

ANYWAY - here are some much anticipated photographs; MORE TO COME ALL DAY ERRDAY.

so much love,

L

lewna

rrrrrrr

1987

graceful in the morning light

blinded i was

your eyelids flutter open and it's still dark, and there's a silence hovering over your home.
a faint light through your window flickers in the early morning fog, and you rub your eyes.
your blanket's all messed up and backwards and inside-out and right-side in and you've tossed and turned and flipped your pillow and spun your covers and changed your shirt and checked your phone and drank water and yet you still can't sleep. 
your eyes are still wide open, but sandy, begging you to let them stay closed. 
you will your mind to relax. 
you try your very best to get rid of all thoughts and put the buzzing to rest.
even listening to your sleep playlist doesn't lull you to dreamland.


you settle with staying awake; with waiting hours till the sun finally comes up.
replaying movies in your head, adding music, and camera angles. 
making your memories real.
trying to think about the future, and drawing a blank.


picture yourself in ten years time.
where are you ?
you can pretend to know, or have expectations. 
but you really have no idea.
we can all idealize and fantasize and in reality, be completely surprised by the actual outcome of it all.
i get freaked out by the future.
not as freaked out as most.
but it's scary.
sometimes i just want to shoot myself through a time machine forwards so i can catch a glimpse.
but i can't.
so instead i'll be cheesy and tell you to embrace the present.


***


you know what i like ?
i like a good old plot twist.
i like a good old fork in the road.
something to shake things up a little bit.
you know ?
fuck, man.
what it takes to put a smile on this face.
not that much, i can say.







goodnight, lovelies.

i don't remember if i posted this, but it's called on the road.

you can see the floor

bass, stamps, procrastination, and a lack of sleep.


socializing is so draining.
but really quite fun.




yeah, i oughta get my 8 hours from now on.


3 days on 9 hours and a lot of cigarettes.
my body hates me.


so detox starts today - no alcohol, drugs, (too many) cigarettes, lots of water, and sleep.


***


food for thought : 


actions vs. words ?


because we can say something great in theory, but if in practice it's not so great, that's what is emphasized.


***


on another note, i'm remotely happy, despite my fatal fatigue.


///


i'll write more tomorrow, i'm going to drag myself to my nice warm bed.

formspring.me

i just found this thing.
it's like a public odd interview thing.
i spose you could ask me some candid questions ?



Ask me anything http://formspring.me/lunalux

today was new

there's something strange about warm weather in january.
it sort of gives you hope.
hope is a peculiar feeling that is hard to shake.
it doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's very very very hard to get rid of.
it's a word that is loosely used.

hope |hōp|noun
1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen : he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information : I had high hopes of making the Olympic team.
• a person or thing that may help or save someone : their only hope is surgery.
• grounds for believing that something good may happen : he does see some hope for the future.

***

my father said something about destiny tonight.
he said something about destiny because of a terrible incident that happened recently.
a man i knew died.
r.i.p. 
i asked my father how young people can die.
i asked my father how someone can coldheartedly kill a loved one.
he couldn't answer either question, but he did say it might have been destiny.
is destiny really what explains it?
or is destiny like heaven ; just something created by the selfish mind of humans to reassure ourselves that not all is lost ?
if i don't count the grandparents i never met, i have known four people that have died over the course of my life. 
how many people i'll know who have died by the time i'm 70 is hard to imagine.
so many statistics and numbers and concepts and proof that people die.
so many things just to say that someday, we'll all meet our match.
life is a strange strange strange place;
you never know when the fuck a car is going to hit you.


***


i apologize for the morbid theme of this evening's post, but it was slightly necessary.


p.s. new layout - thoughts ?
p.p.s. happy birthday mum

sparkles & lace & your pretty face

what does it feel like ?

it feels like coming home from a long trip and getting greeted at the airport by your favorite people. 

it feels like being told "i love you".

it feels like the best hug you'll ever get.

it feels like the best most sincere compliment.

it feels like sheer warmth and a glint in your eye.

it feels like melancholy.

it feels like flumes of cigarette smoke pouring out from under the door.

it feels like an abstract painting suddenly becoming a concrete image.

it feels like a tangible sense of self.

it feels like watching your favorite movie over and over again until you can recite the script.

it feels like running as far as you can without ever tiring.

my ears are ringing and my hands are fucking freezing.

run run run

crystal clear

i can't stand your goodnights

or your good mornings.

making promises you can't keep.

you're selling cookies at my door.

but the little cookie box is full of rocks.

i can't stand your kisses

or your bitter embraces.

waking me up in my sleep.

the sun is rising or maybe it's the tide.

chasing me down the highway,

while i run run run from your smile.

from NY, with love

backseat driver

C an't you see ?

H elp me read this map !

E gads, I am lost !

M ore found than you think.

I am in a castle.

C louds hold me up.

A ll my love is lost.

L ove can be found.

S o can you.

room on fire

they said it would be just like you imagined.
they said you would be smiling just like you thought you would.
but now you are just


w a i t i n g .


---------------------------------
99999999999999999999
---------------------------------


spinning static steps
dream drop eats end edge
ghost girl gone good
life light likes listen little living longer
off officially pack party passion
quite radio radiohead
sick side slice skins
walk walking walls waste watch water went wish 
yeah year yourself


can
u
c
the
words
on
ur
page
?
?
?


()()()()()()()()()()()


throngs of people and moving bodies
and you're in the middle, 
i want to lie in bed
instead.
im looking at pictures
implanted in my brain from moments
of beauty.
you can feel the noise
and taste it.
unless you're standing in the snow
like me.
i can feel the snow
and taste it.

a few photographs - 

MY BROKEN CAMERA AND ITS LITTLE GHOSTS

they said its gay but i like it

like gold light chains

long road

nick

friendly fox

little demons

[ insert cute happy new year message here ]

it's 2010 !


nothing has changed so i'm not going to address the whole "it's a new decade!" thing.

dronk as a skonk w/ abraham

right, well i start school again on monday.
i've got mixed feelings about everything.
i've got a headache and a heartache and i'm still broke.
my mum asked me when i would stop being a "party girl".
i laughed really hard.
*
honest questions are hard to answer.
honest questions are questions that you don't want to ask yourself because you're afraid of the answer.
and then when you answer it, you just sort of sit there, your eyes shifty, and your mouth shut tight for fear of more honest words escaping.
my heart feels as cold as the ugly grey slush on the curb.
pretty fucking cold.
*
he said he'd buy me the moon and sun and stars and all that stuff.
that'd be cool.
to put them in a little jar, just glowing by my bedside.
but then the rest of world would have no light or warmth or sparkles in the sky.
that'd be so sad.

esprit d'escalier (taken by nicole)

COUGH
TOUGH
ROUGH
ROUGE
GOUGE
GAUGE
LARGE
MERGE
VERGE
VERSE
TERSE
TENSE
SENSE
NON
SENSE
NON
SENSE
NON
SENSE
NON
SENSE

nye '10

have you ever noticed if you look at a word for too long it starts to lose it's meaning?
even if you say the word too many times, it happens, too.


i like words
i like worms (i lied)
i like worlds
i like whirls
i like thrills
i like bills
but not kills
or chills



YOU LIED.

you